Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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