do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
