Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Randomize
