just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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