I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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