so explain again why im purple
no
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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