I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
