In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
