Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Randomize
