he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
