I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
