Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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