In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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