my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
