I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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