i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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