Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
wow bdsm is so cute
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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