stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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