I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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