well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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