some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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