Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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