Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
