That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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