I was the one passing out cake at the bars
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
