Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Randomize
