he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
