what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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