An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
