why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
