it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
