the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
