Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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