Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
