Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize