i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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