Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
