Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
