I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
