We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
50% drunk capacity currently
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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