is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
