i wish peter jackson would direct porn
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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