and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
