Her vagina should come with caution tape.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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