Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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