I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
