i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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