i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
