smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
