K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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