guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
