Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
