New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
