Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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