one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Who died my cat blue again?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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