I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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