Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
