if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
