Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
