im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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