girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
