hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
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You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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