Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
