whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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