I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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