I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
