I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
