I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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