i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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