How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
