I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
