yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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