Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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