your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
