Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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