i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
