3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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