i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
