I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
