i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize